


one

by exquisitelymorose



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Break Up, Christmas, F/F, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-02-07 06:37:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21453652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exquisitelymorose/pseuds/exquisitelymorose
Summary: "When people ask what their relationship is like, and they do, Vanessa says friendly co-parents. Charity mostly just follows that lead. Sometimes they do feel like friends. When Vanessa gets a drink at the pub and Charity says something in passing that makes her laugh, when they send each other photos of the boys tucked into bed or making a mess of their tea, when their eyes meet across a room to roll their eyes at the same ol’ Emmerdale drama, it feels like something.Not what it was but something.Because the point was never that they needed the complete and total lack of each other, it’s that they needed find ways to stop hurting each other. And it just couldn’t happen together."A multi chapter reunion fiction of sorts, set one year down the line.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 5
Kudos: 87





	one

It’s been a year.

A year of Charity and Vanessa as

Just Charity

-

Just Vanessa.

When they’d had bad enough days to imagine their demise, it’d been nothing like this. Rose coloured glasses and all, they knew each other. Vanessa was well aware how Charity could be when she was hurt, when she was crossed. She’d always thought that if it ended, it’d be turbulent, violent, a mass explosion that resulted in at least one of them picking up and skipping town, never to see each other again.

Charity had tried not to picture it at all. Vanessa was something entirely new to her, her love cemented in such a different place than it had been for anyone, she couldn’t begin to imagine how it’d be. She didn’t think she was capable of hurting Vanessa like the rest, didn’t think she could ever be so spiteful. Not with her. But she couldn’t deny her own cruelty had shocked her before. So she pushed it to the back of her mind as a complete and utter impossibility.

When it happened, it was none of those things.

Not violent.

Not explosive.

Not spiteful.

It was a silent wreckage.

Vanessas strength accompanied by Charitys ego, her wounds, had made things more seamless than either had imagined. There was the moment, early on, when Charity hadn’t known, not for certain, that Vanessa meant it when she said it was over. She was crying, lost, so horribly broken over losing it all and then nearly Moses too. She’d tried to kiss Vanessa, had genuinely believed it would work too. 

How many times had she leaned into her? How many times had their lips brushed? Their breath mingled? Their words been lost in one anothers mouth? Too many to count. It was instinct, habit. It was the way of their world.  
When Vanessa pushed her away, she pushed her away for the last time. She never tried again, not like that. Not once. 

They both knew why. Charity Dingle for all her harsh words and unkind actions was a deeply hurt person. Someone with wounds piled on top of wounds who just kept accumulating them like they were nothing at all. But her scar tissue wasn’t one to fade. When she was cast aside, she stayed aside. If she got too close the wounds would split and scream - “we can’t feel anything more, please.”

It’s the thing that kept Vanessa awake on sleepless nights. The restraint she could see, the rigidness of Charitys bones, the fabric of her being. Held so tight, so close to herself as if reaching out to touch would absolutely shatter her. Vanessa never wanted to be untouchable to her. She just knew it couldn’t be like that, not anymore. 

But for all the pain that came with it, it eased any fear of one or the other making a reckless move. Boundaries, firm and laid. 

Though the foundation of the calm was simply the children. All hundred of them, as Charity would joke. Because while their lives came crashing at their feet, the boys kept turning. Bath times don’t wait for heartbreaks, suffering doesn’t halt a schedule. Whether they wanted it to or not, the world had to keep turning. And so it did. 

Within weeks they’d made the choice to treat the break up like a divorce. Nearly split custody. They couldn’t put the boys through any more than they’d already been through so every Sunday a schedule was set, the days that Johnny would come to Charitys and the days that Moses would go to Vanessas. Noah, though he hated to admit his affection for Vanessa, did his fair share of lingering between both. 

When they weren’t pouring over schedules with furrowed brows to make sure everything aligned, they were exchanging a forgotten sock, trying to negotiate meals and bedtimes, all while balancing careers and homes and lives and hearts that were cracked so wide open they dare not talk about it. 

It all just happened so quickly, this evolution into a twisted sort of normalcy that finding themselves here, an entire year behind, seems unthinkable. 

It comes with tens of emotions. The surprise of the comfortability of where they are. The resentment that follows, never having wanted to be here at all. 

When people ask what their relationship is like, and they do, Vanessa says friendly co-parents. Charity mostly just follows that lead. Sometimes they do feel like friends. When Vanessa gets a drink at the pub and Charity says something in passing that makes her laugh, when they send each other photos of the boys tucked into bed or making a mess of their tea, when their eyes meet across a room to roll their eyes at the same ol’ Emmerdale drama, it feels like something. 

Not what it was but something. 

Because the point was never that they needed the complete and total lack of each other, it’s that they needed find ways to stop hurting each other. And it just couldn’t happen together.

If either of them has dated in the last year, they don’t talk about it and it’s never been serious enough to fear a run in or have a conversation about the boys meeting someone new. 

It’s been well and truly quiet. A year of mending, of settling. Of learning to go on both with and without each other. 

“So, it’s alright to invite Vanessa then, yeah?”

“Course babe, yeah.” Charity breaths to Noah as she settles plates in front of her two youngest, “couldn’t let Johnny Bobs miss out now could we?” She says lightly, ruffling his hair.

She notices Noah trying not to smile. It’d been his and Ryans idea, though they both wanted to pin it on each other, a holiday game night. Hot cocoa, cider, games, Christmas crackers, the whole bit to be had on Christmas Eve. Debbie would be back, most of the Dingles planned to gather anyway. And Charity and Vanessa had already planned to have the boys together on Christmas Eve to soften the blow of a Christmas without each other and the mass pile of combined presents. 

“Should I text her?”

“She’s coming round in about an hour to pick up Johnny, I’ll tell her then.”

When Vanessa does show up, all blonde and sunny in a way that makes no sense after trudging through the bitter cold, Charity asks her to stay for a brew while the boys finish up a game.

“Noah, such a sop! If I can’t make it a full evening, I can still leave Johnny with you and get him before bed.”

Charitys brow furrows into her tea, “why wouldn’t you be able to make it?” 

“Well, I will. I just mean I’ll have to be Santa’s little helper, getting gifts wrapped and snacks for the reindeer. It’s not so easy when you’re-” she cuts herself off.

“Alone,” Charity finishes. And they both nod, smiles weak. They do that sometimes. They try not to but it happens, seeking comfort and understanding from the only other person who knows exactly what they’re going through. 

They finish their tea in a silence that has become comfortable between them, watching and chattering along with the boys. They’ve gotten used to leaving each other, understanding that they have two different homes and two mums in different places who love them very much. The goodbye tantrums come few and far between now.

Charity plops a kiss on Johnnys head and Vanessa runs a hand through Moses’ hair as he clings to her leg.

“Mummy is going to drop you by in just two sleeps, love.” She coos to him as Charity bends to grab his hand and pull him back from the door.

The boys wave and the door opens.

“Bye Charity."

“See you, babe.”

It still hurts. It will probably never stop. But they’re okay. 

When Charity turns back into her nearly silent, nearly empty home, she heaves a sigh. The guilt will come in waves, usually when she has to watch Vanessa walk out a door. But she thinks about the last year. How even the downright horrible was made so much better by the way they handled things. She often feels that she never deserved it. Never should’ve been given a chance to still be a mum to Johnny, to continue to hold some sort of space in Vanessas life. But here they are, making it work.

And most days, she can convince herself that it’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave your kudos and comments. They are but a writers caffeine. And I'd love to hear your suggestions of how you'd like to see a reunion go. Thank you so much for reading.


End file.
